Here We Go Again

10 Feb

By Lee Sullivan

Random Writers Topic: Write about achieving a personal goal or realizing a dream come true?

Several years ago I had finally reached the breaking point with my weight. I simply became disgusted with what I saw in the mirror and decided to take action. I needed to lose some weight – a lot of weight – and I knew exactly what I needed to do.

I did what needed to be done, I dropped about 50 pounds, and I had never looked better in my adult life. Sounds great, right? I set a goal and I achieved it. For the first time since middle school, I wore a size 7. I felt great about myself.

I felt great about myself right up to the point where I started gaining the weight back at a rapid pace.

Now, take this exact story and repeat it every few years since I was about 20 years old.

I am the queen of setting my sights on a skinnier version of myself, achieving it, and then quickly reverting back to a much heavier me.

So here I am again, about to repeat this cycle one more time. However, this time I’m doing things a bit differently.

This time I will not visit a doctor for a prescription for legal amphetamines. This time I will not chemically suppress my appetite to the point that I go days without food and nourishment. This time I am not motivated to lose weight so that boys will like me more.  This time I will not choose a four cigarette lunch nor an evening of chain smoking to dull the taste buds and kill the desire for food.

This time I am turning to God first. This time I will exercise and make more healthful food choices. This time I am motivated by my desire to just feel better. This time I will work on myself from the inside out, beginning with the things I say to myself. This time I have set a goal related to physical fitness, rather than a number on the scales.

This approach is unlike any I’ve tried before. For one thing, I’ve never asked God to help me with this. I have come to realize, however, that I cannot do it without Him. I will need His grace to shine down on me when I’m feeling tired and weak. I’ve tried exercising before but I’ve never exercised with a goal in mind. There is a number on the scale I would like to reach, but I’m not going to freak out and throw my hands in the air if I don’t ever see it. I’ve never used my thoughts as a way to control my appetite in the way that I hope to do in the coming weeks.

I’ve also never asked so many people to hold me accountable. If you see me out and about and I’m about to order French fries or cheesecake, come and ask me if I’m sure I want to do that. Really, do it.

Oh, and one more thing. Can you say a prayer for me? I know God listens, and maybe if a whole bunch of us ask Him to help me, I might just reach this goal without finding failure on the other side of it.




Posted by on February 10, 2012 in Lee Sullivan, Prompts


Tags: , , , , , , , ,

3 responses to “Here We Go Again

  1. Regina Verow

    February 10, 2012 at 9:32 am

    You are an AMAZING woman. “This time I will work on myself from the inside out, beginning with the things I say to myself” – This left me in tears. You are strong and beautiful and I know you can do this. Thanks for inspiring me to be a better version of myself by lighting the path ahead of me.

  2. Lindsey Goodall

    February 10, 2012 at 11:28 am

    This is amazing, Lee!!! Gil is right on, your willingness to be so open and honest is totally inspiring! Just know that your Jesus is so very proud of you for putting this in His hands!

    And have no doubt that I’m praying for this and the other stuff, too!!!

    just an fyi that bullfrog w/sprite zero is virtually calorie-less! 😉

    Love you!


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